But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
