Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
