rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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