lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You smell like stripper and shame
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He did a backflip because drugs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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