When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
