and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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