it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
