Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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