this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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