i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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