guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
