Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize