It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
