would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
