everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
