so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize