Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
