I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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