i permit you to call me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
