It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize