We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When are your genitals available?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
