Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
