I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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