I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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