Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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