He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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