Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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