Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
