and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize