Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is wine microwaveable?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
