bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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