I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
