I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
