you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
