I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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