im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
