I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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