my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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