i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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