Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
