I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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