Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
