I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
