I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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