mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
