I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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