awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Semen is not good for contacts.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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