He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
