Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
