i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
