We named our party play list daddy issues
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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