She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
