He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize