You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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