dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
