I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
then he tried to convert me to islam
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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