I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
