It's Friday. Sex?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
