how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
