I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
