Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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