I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We are two peas in an std pod
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
