I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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