oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize