U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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