I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize