Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
