If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
