We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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