$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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