u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
