We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
