Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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