you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
