Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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