oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
