he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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