Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
